Wednesday, July 20, 2005
The angst teenager!
Today, 20th July 2005, as I go through my PMS and the emotions that are stirring within me, I have things I want to rant it out, if not they will all come out in forms of insult and in harsh tone ONE DAY.
Jia is on the road of attaining the feeling of numbness when she is casted with cold shoulders she gets out of nowhere, whispers that form where her presence are, and being casted with attitudes and stares of she know not WHY. As much as she felt being taken granted for and taken advantaged of at times, she chose not to let the anger in her boil, taking control of her mind.
And it's true about what I'd mentioned above. They are all true feelings of what she felt today. ):
Sometimes I wonder; why do I go the extra mile of getting things for people - even having to sacrifice my own time so that they will have. Why do I avail my time for people when I could actually return home early to sleep. Why do I have to be that peacemaker between two. And the many whys just keep flooding me, at this moment. The greatest why of the whys is - why do I, at the end of it, have to put up with every anger and dissatisfaction when I actually did more than I should? In times like this, the sole fact I hold onto is ...because Jia, you love them... simply from the heart. And you care not of the return, but the happiness they'll get. I've got my life to enjoy, I've got a temper to flare, and I've got my freewill from the One that died for me back then. But why am I still hanging around? Perhaps your skin grew thicker as the years past...
Sigh, sigh. People, remember that Jia is a human still; a Jia who has not lost it's entire sensitivity in the heart, a Jia that needs attention, a Jia that still seeks for care and concern, and of all, a Jia that wants to be loved.
...and today, she thought: "maybe all the smiles and laughters were a facade of a lone ranger. or maybe, a silent lover to many.
God says to Love; Pherd asked of me to hang on; Sheeps lives make me want to stay strong; People whom I want to love and care drew me back from snapping; Brother's simple "bless the people" reminded me of Christlikeness; Jia's minute motivation that pulls her back from falling...
>.<
never underestimate the angst in a PMS girl...
maoed.]
at 10:11 PM
+++His child.
jiayi; jean. 060488// hope// sound ministry// neb1// grace's sheep// phs// 5compassion// basketball//
+++smiles.
Him// simpsonx// shuping// red.black.white// eight// violin// guitar// disney// animals// kids// adidas// bottoms// horror::thrillers// watermelon// peach// mango// tomato// tea// fish// white chocs// marshmellows// shopping// friendships
+++frowns.
noise// dirtiness// chili// pork// snake// comedies// thunders// lightnings//
+++memories.
chalet//
courageous camp//
devotees//
devotees`bbq//
faith camp//
firework`04//
foundation camp//
life in the kingdom//
neb//
phs`03//
phs'04//
seventeen//
siMpsOnx//
student conference//
the ultimate dare//
+++books.
a love worth giving// a woman's answer to anger// every young woman's battle// helping others without hurting yourself// journeys of friendship//
if you want to walk on water, you've got to get out of the boat// in the grip of grace// love beyond reason// loving God with all your mind// recapture the world//
the friendship's of women// traveling light// wild at heart// words that hurt words that heal//
